The truth is that, if you spend your lives together, you may go through difficult times again. Perhaps even harder ones than what you’re going through now.

I don’t say this to scare you, but to bring the conversation to the level it needs to be at.

Human beings are often more wounded than they let anyone see, sometimes even their spouse. There is little to be gained from taking everything personally, particularly when the original wound wasn’t yours to begin with.

Words express our thoughts and feelings, but they don’t always do so accurately. Trauma can affect how we perceive and interpret our feelings. Our thoughts, too, can be skewed by different upbringings, beliefs and life experiences.

How you feel around another person, and whether that can change, can make or break a relationship. Actions matter, too. They are concrete evidence of behaviour, and even when we’re struggling, a change in behaviour can be easier to recognise than a change in words.

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So, where do you begin?

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With one question:

Do you want to be with this person?

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Give God a nudge, and allow yourself to answer honestly, even if only once, in the privacy of your own mind.

Notice how your body responds to both a yes and a no. Does your breathing deepen? Does your chest open? Do you feel a sense of relief or ease?

These can be clues that you’re getting closer to an honest answer. They aren’t proof in themselves, but they’re worth paying attention to.

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Right.

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Now the real questions can be asked, and understood.

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Whether your answer was yes or no:

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Are you willing to follow through on it?

Can you do so without harming yourself in the process?

What boundaries do you need to honour yourself, and what grace can you extend to the other person?

These are not always easy questions. But they are worth asking.

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And if this was all you needed…

If reading this has helped you find some clarity and you feel you don’t need coaching, please do shoot me an email!

I don’t need to know the details. I’d simply love to know whether this little free resource has done what I hoped it would.

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Why?

Because this page is my own personal nudge to God: that He may reach you and fill you with love, grace, wisdom and understanding. That He may see you through your confusion and grief, and show you the way.